So if any of you were wondering, 9 appears to be the definitive age in which your children become totally embarrassed by you. Driving the monkees to school today, Jamiroquai came on the radio, and me loving them something fierce, immediately started dancin up a storm. Joined by my back up dancers the twins and the mean dancin machine Christopher.. My daughter looks around in disgust and asks me politely, "Mom, can people in other cars see us?" I do a quick ponytail flip and answer her over my shoulder, "Yeah sweetie, why?" She looks me square in the eye through the rear view mirror, "well don't you think you should stop dancing then?"
I danced even harder... Silly babes... What fun is life if you can't live it up every chance you get...
So, not to sit here and talk about real life or anything, I am gonna pull a Non Vocab and talk about the evil whore that curses me so. Ohhh my God the past week has been a fuckin hell!!! I am weepy one moment, pissed the next.. I am puffy- for someone that weighs herself everyday and writes down every friggin thing she eats- not good to be puffy, not good at all.... Even my arms are puffy- what the fuck- my arms are cut, like Angela Basset gonna take out out Ike cut- but this week my arms look puffy. This is the period that is gonna break me, I swear. I ate (not all at once-but throughout the day, mind you... I am not a cow!) an entire half gallon of frozen yogurt. Now I can rationalize it in my head all day that it was low fat and shit, but that doesn't explain why I ate an entire can of pumpkin last night as well. Who the fuck eats pumpkin out of a can?? Well if the question ever comes up, I guess I am gonna be the one raising my hand. I feel normal today, surprisingly. I hit the gym and ran, I hate running but that is what I do to punish myself when I have been bad.
But while at the gym..... color me intolerant. But I hate it when the mentally challenged bus rolls in. I mean, I know, I know.... this is really horrible of me, but the woman who grunts and groans through taking a dump, in the only restroom really freaks me out. Not normal, constipation grunts, more like, Ohhhhhh, yeaaaaaah, come on out now babies, come on, ooooooooohhhhh yeahhhhh. I wanted to scream.....
Well that is my day, welcome to it....
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7 comments:
That's too much!
9 years old is the magic number. I'll remember that. I can picture the scene and it must have been hilarious!
So sorry to hear about your "visitor" and that you think it might break you this time. The frozen yogurt is no biggy at all - trust me, I'm a former fatty - but WTF about the pumpkin??? Who eats pumpkin from a can??? Can you eat that stuff?!? :)
Speakeasy- My oldest is Little Miss Serious, always has been... She is lovely and fun, but she is well aware of herself at all times... gotta love her, she got stuck with a bunch of nuts...
and pumpkin from the can- ummm yes it can be done.. funny thing is I don't even like Pumpkin pie... I caught myself putting a can in the fridge this afternoon... had to run face first into the cabinets to smack some sense back into my hormally driven brain....
Oh shit!!! Anyone that talks to there poo like that would be my new best friend.
Or I'd get some tard action...as long as she wiped good.
Non Vocab is my other secret cage keyholder Shroomy!
You have 4 more years before the word teen enters her age and she really becomes embarrassed around you.
It sucks being reminded that we are women, baby.
And OMG, I don't think I could handle listening to someone shit with satisfaction like that. I would laugh out loud at them and then leave before the fumes knocked me unconscious.
Skincarver- ohhh you can have her... you are such a freak!!!
Dale- she rocks, I love her blog... a little graphic and not for the squeemish, she is pretty awesome... I am jealous though, I thought we had something special...
Sherry- I am sooo not looking forward to adolescence... OMG nooo!!! I was a true challenge to my folks, I can only imagine...
Oh it's special, you just learn to keep the cage on me locked at all times.
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