Thursday, February 15, 2007

all this talk of love...

I think the very first time I realized what love was, was the first time I was handed my baby girl.. She was sooo beautiful, looking up at me with those big brown eyes.. She melted my heart and all my wounds and scars suddenly seemed to close and disappear. Like a new start, had just enveloped the horizon, and all my yesterdays cease to exist. She has been my best friend through it all, and out of all the people in the world she understands me best. She is strong yet sensitive, sweet but stern and she is everything I wished I had been as a kid. The apple of every teachers eye, and the first one to take all the wounded birds under her wing. I can still remember taking her to go see the Spice Girls (ugh is right) for her first birthday and her shaking her little tambourine.. She drove cross country with me when my ex, kicked us to the curb (the first time) and shared in my excitement as we crossed the Mississippi, shouting RIVER as loud as we could. She amazed me with her ease and grace when we visited Paris and she picked up about 20 french words right off the bat. Her little face lights up with every new day. She like me, wears her heart on her sleeve and her disappointments on her face. She speaks her mind, and stands up for her beliefs. She has this amazing love for her family and fierce loyalty to her siblings. Funny sometimes you don't know how much you love them till you think something is wrong.. Today, her bus was over an hour late, I sat impatiently looking out the window waiting to hear the loud roar of the engine as it climbed the hill. But it didn't happen.... I called her school, and the words from the receptionist made me tear up before she could even finish her sentence. "is your child on bus 11?" yes, I answered trembling, like ohhh shit what happened.... She answered everything is fine, the bus driver had forgotten it was a half day, he just arrived, your child's bus will be there shortly... Ok, cool...... but scary how every moment good and bad can flash before your eyes in the matter of seconds...

hug the ones you love, often......

10 comments:

Becca said...

Your daughter sounds beautiful, she's lucky to have such a cool mama.

Knitty Yas said...

yeah love comes from genuine innocent souls.

and panic comes from an unknown threat vying to tear it apart.

did you beat down the busdriver?

Mob said...

Damned bus drivers.

You paint a beautiful picture of your relationship with your daughter, it's very sweet, children have that unconditional love that brings a lump to the throat.

nouseforaname said...

Becca-she is and thank you... I could not be prouder...

Yasamin- honestly I think I would die, if something tragic was to ever happen to any of my kids... I wanted to beat him down seriously, I was in a panic...

Mob- we are super close... we have a bond greater than a lot of mother daughter relationships- we just have been through soo much together, she was my rock, when I couldn't hold it together..

Jill said...

You are a rockass babe, but still a good and sweet mom!!
She sounds like a kid I would want in my class... Continu the good word shroom!!

ROENTGEN said...

That's wonderful. I'm sure she'll grow up to a charismatic and strong woman, she's having the perfect role model for that.

Angie Pansey said...

That is so beautiful. Being a female, I love hearing the words that you write about your daughter. If only all mothers could be as kind and caring as you.

nouseforaname said...

Jill- awww thanks! she is a dream student, all of her teachers adore her.. she is very polite and thoughtful- I have no idea where she gets it. I am not at all polite... she constantly corrects me...

Roentgen- who me??? Ha, I think the correct response is -in spite of me.... I try and direct her to the right path... how she choses to walk it is up to her... so far she is calculating with one foot in front of the other, watching from left to right- she is very careful... I admire that about her, I on the other hand tend to go full speed run, arms waving the air like a lunatic, tripping over vines and rocks... often crashing head first into trees, but at least I get up over and over again and run even faster... I tend to enjoy my little headaches...

Angela- I treat her, how I would've wanted to be treated.. It didn't always quite happen like that for me. I was left with a ton of self esteem issues and self doubt- she doesn't think the same way.. I would indeed like to think I have a little something to do with that...

Sherry said...

There is nothing more precious than a daughter who is also a friend.

Hugs to both of you.

Jill said...

You might be a better example than you think!! Usualy, kids who don't have parents that give good example don't turn out well, take my teacher experience(even if it is short)...