Question:
Gee Lo, I was reading through your blog, you make yourself sound kind of ummmm pathetic and sad... why, would you cast yourself in that light??
I guess, I suppose I just don't care, I mean I am not online to create any sort of a persona or to tell people about my daily happenings, I write what I want to write based on whatever emotion happens to be floating higher than the others... I mean we are all layers of emotion right? I kinda envision my emotional self as this open sky of floating layers, sorta like lil magic carpets, hovering, all labeled with a particular feeling. May it be anger, hurt, betrayal, nostalgia, happiness, or love, they all hover in the emotional sky, waiting for a surge of importance to push them to the top. I often write things as a release, to just get it out there in the universe, so it is not weighing on my head or my heart... If I sound pathetic at times, ohh well.... When I experience heartbreak, it destroys me.. really... I turn inward and question myself and my value. It brings up all the little insecurities that I am usually able to suppress. It triggers a cycle of self destruction, I know it is wrong, I know I am better than that, I know that more often than not, things that happen are not a measure of my personal value but more so an inadequacy of the other person. But that does not mean that the emotional self does not take over for a couple of dodgy days and play the old mind fuck... I guess we all do it on some level, I just have no issue sharing it with the world. I hope someone reads it and gets something from it, I hope someone out there reads and says, I felt like that too... and maybe they don't feel alone with themselves... I hope that on good days, I am able to make someone laugh, or smile. I hope on trips back to the past, someone out there can kinda relive it with me... I hope on my wishful dreams of love and life, some higher being reads it makes it all come true... but ya know whatever.... I am just me.....
Gee Lo, I was reading through your blog, you make yourself sound kind of ummmm pathetic and sad... why, would you cast yourself in that light??
I guess, I suppose I just don't care, I mean I am not online to create any sort of a persona or to tell people about my daily happenings, I write what I want to write based on whatever emotion happens to be floating higher than the others... I mean we are all layers of emotion right? I kinda envision my emotional self as this open sky of floating layers, sorta like lil magic carpets, hovering, all labeled with a particular feeling. May it be anger, hurt, betrayal, nostalgia, happiness, or love, they all hover in the emotional sky, waiting for a surge of importance to push them to the top. I often write things as a release, to just get it out there in the universe, so it is not weighing on my head or my heart... If I sound pathetic at times, ohh well.... When I experience heartbreak, it destroys me.. really... I turn inward and question myself and my value. It brings up all the little insecurities that I am usually able to suppress. It triggers a cycle of self destruction, I know it is wrong, I know I am better than that, I know that more often than not, things that happen are not a measure of my personal value but more so an inadequacy of the other person. But that does not mean that the emotional self does not take over for a couple of dodgy days and play the old mind fuck... I guess we all do it on some level, I just have no issue sharing it with the world. I hope someone reads it and gets something from it, I hope someone out there reads and says, I felt like that too... and maybe they don't feel alone with themselves... I hope that on good days, I am able to make someone laugh, or smile. I hope on trips back to the past, someone out there can kinda relive it with me... I hope on my wishful dreams of love and life, some higher being reads it makes it all come true... but ya know whatever.... I am just me.....
11 comments:
I learned.
Don't cross the Sensational Shroomstress.
I'm afraid of potions.
:)
But I love lotions.
people never seem to realize that what they read on the blog is just one facet of a majorly diverse you.
Not only is blogging theraputic, but its an eye opener. Trust me. on days where my head hangs low and i blog, you can tell. i'm not the fun loving yas everyone wants me to be. i'm just sad yas. but its only one side of a miriad of reflections that are me.
people need to understand that not only does it not matter whether they see you in one way or another, but that its all you. not just the sad parts. but the happy parts and the loving parts and the wild parts. its all you.
Speakeasy- lotions huh???? mmmmm.... you got me thinking bad things.... dirty..
Yas- exactly... I mean nothing more to add huh, but exactly....
Do whatever the hell you like, damnit!
Hope this helps.
Toasty- yeah it helps- thanks sweetie!!!
Fuck 'em if they can't take a joke or a revelation once in a while, right?
I love your posts. Honesty is brave and therapeutic.
We all look pathetic at some points!! And you are able to show a vunerable side of you, and that is not easy!!!
And doesn't those lines comes from that ex that hurt you bad?? If yes, don't get him get into you again!!
so its almost midnight saturday night here in az and i miss you terribly!!! i hope your completely drunk off your ass right now. really. i do.
happe st patricks day!
"May it be anger, hurt, betrayal, nostalgia, happiness, or love, they all hover in the emotional sky, waiting for a surge of importance to push them to the top."
Pure poetry. The revelations are the best part. Don't worry about censoring. You know exactly why you need and write what you do.
JJ- true dat!
Tenecious S- awww thanks... it is, I almost have to blog now, I can't function with somethings resting on me...
Jill- observant lil one, that is my ex that sent me that question... we haven't seen each other in 11 years, he has been on a mission to figure me out.... I wasn't always as open, I spent most my life bottling it up, supressing it all and developing ulcers, I now am trying to just let it out, as it happens, no fear, no alarms, just feel.....
Yassy- nope Saturday, I turned in early.... I missed ya too!!!
Tumuli- thank you.... truly... I think a lot of us write just so we don't die from over internalization...
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