Sometimes I just can't shut up... Even when I know that I absolutely need to.. For reasons I can only chalk up to hormones and severe internal damage, I feel like I am suffering through one mini breakdown after another. I am soo frustrated with everything... I wonder, Do we loose our wits as we grow older or do we gain them? Do we become more confident or do we loose it? Do we have better perspective or is our perspective soo warped from varied past experiences we can no longer define it? Funny, I know where I have been, that is for certain. But as far as today, I am shakily holding on to the here and now. I don't venture into the future without a detailed plan. I need a magic backpack that outlines it all for me. I need Tom Cruise to tell me what to do. I need a psychic friend to give me a ring. But most of all I need a break. A break from myself and all the internal drama that I seem to cause myself. I push the people away that I love and I let total strangers in. Strangers that trigger all those ridiculous insecurities and all those moments of regret and question. Why do we beat ourselves up sooo badly???
Monday, August 28, 2006
Will Tape Leave Marks?
Sometimes I just can't shut up... Even when I know that I absolutely need to.. For reasons I can only chalk up to hormones and severe internal damage, I feel like I am suffering through one mini breakdown after another. I am soo frustrated with everything... I wonder, Do we loose our wits as we grow older or do we gain them? Do we become more confident or do we loose it? Do we have better perspective or is our perspective soo warped from varied past experiences we can no longer define it? Funny, I know where I have been, that is for certain. But as far as today, I am shakily holding on to the here and now. I don't venture into the future without a detailed plan. I need a magic backpack that outlines it all for me. I need Tom Cruise to tell me what to do. I need a psychic friend to give me a ring. But most of all I need a break. A break from myself and all the internal drama that I seem to cause myself. I push the people away that I love and I let total strangers in. Strangers that trigger all those ridiculous insecurities and all those moments of regret and question. Why do we beat ourselves up sooo badly???
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12 comments:
You're suffering from a terminal illness....it's called life.
We are all cursed with the same disease. Those that walk through life with heads held high and reek with the stench of self-confidence are either liars or fooling themselves.
I have 5 kids with 3 different wives (and I fought hard & won for custody of all my kids, so back off). I blurt private things like this out on the internet.
I am a walking Dr. Phil episode.
Heed my advice like you'd shower with your toaster.
Oh, my little Monkey. Here's a (((hug))) for you. I hope that it reaches craplanta.
Life sure can have a wicked sense of humor sometimes. I think that the reason we beat ourselves up sometimes is because it's easier than trying to find our center. I hope that you find your way out of this funk soon. I don't like to hear that my Shrooms is suffering. Would it help if I put on my red latex and danced for you?
You'll be happier when your new computer arrives.
we should meet up and consume drugs. how about that? and then we see ducks. in my flat. for instance. and then we go shopping in paris. and have ourselves some neat lapdancers. and then you tell me where u got these fancy pictures from.
I feel similarly most days.
Adulthood sucks.
skincarver- ohhh on the contrary you are wise, ol one of potent sperm..
Sherry- you are sweet, and yeah I think that dance would help tremendously, bring that little red latex ass over here and give me dance...
Reese- actually I am on the new computer and although this one is prettier it has a some quirks to work out- it kinda annoys me...
Bubbly Theater- see, you are sooo my type of guy.. that shopping thing perked me right up and in Paris at that.... I got my passport all ready, you name the day I am sooooo there.. (you gonna give a lapdance, yes??? Please, please, please......)
Tumuli- yes adulthood sucks... it is a hardcore ass fuck with no lube...
You could phone a friend or ask the audience? Lame but yep, that's me and that's life sometimes. Suck it. Chin up. Bla bla bla.
Yeah, I was wondering about Skincarver's sperm, as well. I must be super-sonic, or something. He could sell it on ebay.
Shroom - is your computer a mac?
I seem to recall Skincarver once got his second wife pregnant by yelling "Fuck You!" at her.
Oh yes, he has spread his seed.
LOL Wow, SC's one potent fella!
As far as you go Shroomy, I've come to the conclusion that the truly gifted people are just self destructive. I'm not sure why, but they are.
Dale- ohh yeah, good thing I have already gotten over it- that advice totally unhelpful...
Reese- ya, he seems to have the bionic sperm... that is fer sure......
Mob- lol........
Creepy- yeah, I suppose so... silly creatures we are....
I totally hear you (finally--I've been swamped with work, so I haven't had a chance to stop by...). I think this society of ours makes us crazy. There's too much information (of the anxiety-provoking kind), too much stimulation (visual, audio, etc.), too much of everything--excess, ennui, too much....You're not alone. As we get older, yes, it gets worse. Talk to your doctor. I'm a big advocate of therapy (with a GOOD therapist). Big.
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