There is no perfect mate. There is no Mr. Right....
There is possibly:
Mr. Compatible (enough...)
Mr. He Doesn't Make Me Sick
Mr. Emotionally Wounded But Good in the Sack
Mr. Damn Close to Perfect but Gay
Mr. Awesome Friend But Has a Micro Dick
I wish I could build a better man, taking all the bits and pieces from friends, lovers and objects of desire and make me a mate that I could love forever. I can sample from my blogger beaus and create someone with a soul and a heart like Puck, a tortured spirit like Merlin, a sense of fun and zest for life like Christopher, the youth and potential of String, a great evening anecdote like Dale, a mess of tats like Skincarver, a great friend like Bubbly and the artistic talent and banter of intectual nonsense of my fellow Monito. I wish I throw in the income of Bill Gates and the looks of Ewan McGregor (yeah throw in that cute accent too.) I would wish for a lover of the highest quantity, no sappy romantic shit for me, I am a down and dirty girl, and I need a man with some serious stamina. I would want someone who likes to hold my hand while walking down the street and cuddling on the couch watching porn after the kids have drifted off to sleep. I would want someone who could throw a Frisbee and catch a football and doesn't fall over his own feet. I want someone who would play with the kids and earn their love and trust. I want someone who could whip up a yummy dish, and not too manly that he can't help with the dishes. I want someone with a sense of humor and understands my desire for a platinum skull ring in place of a traditional wedding band. So I am gonna throw in all these little wishes into a pot, bring it to a boil and let it simmer for a couple days. Hopefully, hopefully this concoction will bring about the perfect man for me.....
But I doubt it..... I guess I will keep on shopping.....
26 comments:
No picky are ye? Might as well throw in a twelve inch cock, unfeasibly long tongue and being a nobel laureat to boot.
Sincerely
Mr. Small Pecker/Emotionally Wounded
Woo-hoo! I made the list.
Too bad I'm built like a Tonka truck and hung like a baby.
Anonymous- fuck, if I throw in all that, it would just be like totally impossible and I would have to keep him on a serious short leash, just to make sure no other ladies try to snag him
ps- small pecker??? ha, ha, nice try ummm that dick ain't small.... OUCH.....
Skincarver- Ya know what they say, Tonka's are built to last..... so make it work baby, make it work....
sorry soul belongs to the red fella, and my heart has got so many cracks covered with gaffer tape i gotta try and not use it anymore.
i lost my dignity in a club somewhere back during a strange and terrible night back in the 90s, my willpower was spent at New Orleans in 2000 and my pride got shot down somewhere over the alantic ocean about 8 days ago.
i sprained my sense of humour and i think its twisted for good.
all i got is my looks (and more than a little cockyness)
I love exloves to blog. Still proves that you're pretty much important.
Thanks Mrs. Monkey for that wonderful credit! Touched! But what about MY dick. And MY artistic talent? And I can cook. And bloody gawd. I'd probably cry if somebody would give me a platin skull ring.
... but yeah. just give me all your platin.
If I were a guy, Shroomstress - or I was a raging lesbian - I would so do you.
lol!
oh honey your not the only one. :p
settling for what you can get instead of what you want is a real bitch. trust me.
Yeah, I've got your great evening anecdote right here baby! Too bad I look pretty much like this huh? Throw a bunch of plane tickets in the air and we'll all be right over.
No need to shop Shroooms, your perfect mate will find you.
I was thinking the same thing as LMB and Sherry. You are too much of a goddess to go unnoticed by someone worthy of you for long.
Puck- whatever love, you have the heart and soul of a romantic- with the exterior of a rock and roll hellion... dignity, fuck who needs it, willpower- that is an illusion anyways, and pride- well that's all variable isn't it... a twisted sense of humor is the ultimate turn on and good looks and a sprinkling of cockyness will surely get ya blown.... all in all I think you'd fair well....
Bubbly Theater- awwww well, you have become a good little friend, and sweetie you of course fall into that almost perfect category don't cha????
LoudMouthBitch- awww thanks babe...
Yasamin- yeah, no more settling... Sometimes I think, because I have about 20 tons of extra bagagge I have to settle and make do with what comes about- but really arn't we all looking for a soul mate and shouldn't that person be the absolute right one for us to have earned that label??
Dale-in my little dream of dreams, I imagine us sitting in front of the fire on cold winter days and you telling me all the quirky odd shit that happened in your day- I think that would be quite enjoyable.... I am not sure I would actually like anything else about you- but babe we have that, we have that special moment......
Sherry- you are smoking crack again?? Unless he is walking up and down my little street screaming out my name with a blow horn, I doubt he would know where to find me.... I am such a homebody lately.... but thanks for saying it anyways....
Slaygirl- Goddess eh??? Kick ass, I wanna be Aprodite and wear designer togas and live in a kingdom made of Marble and have mystical creatures wandering about.... cool....
you have the heart and soul of a romantic- with the exterior of a rock and roll hellion
i WILL quote you on that
Okay then, I'll settle. :-)
Puck- of course sweets, quote away...
Dale- well.....
Tom- fuck MYspace....
One day. Shit...maybe one day I'll meet a dude that's just okay to look at. I might settle for that. I don't know.
I thought about become a lesbian, but it just doesn't do it for me like a man does it for me.
I just got a new detachable shower head...so that should take care of things in the interim.
Good thing Halloween is coming up, eh? You'll need to grab some hair and skin smaples, toss them into a pot with some VHS porn, Mircosoft product, a giant Fab Fister 5000, some kids toys and other semi-related items like salt and pepper.
And pray. Pray like you never have before.
:)
Good luck finding mister right, or mister almost right, or even mister not right at all but with a big dick, bankbook, brain and heart for your kids.
As I've said before, you're living on the wrong side of the pond. There are loads of guys that meet your description over here. There just aren't any dream women. Where's a non-neurotic, chilled, beautiful girl when you need one eh? They're few and far between in London I tell thee. One day I will find a girl who is comfortable with herself and then I'll be set. Get your arse over here shroomster and show these British chicks how its done.
That last comment was from me by the way. Just failed to log in correctly
Shroomy, you need to donate your boobs to Boobiethon. They need your rack! www.boobiethon.com
Flash those girls for cash for a god cause!
Blonde Vigilante- that shower head idea is always a favorable one, I get it on with mine on a regular basis....
Speakeasy- ohhh he is out there, he is out there, I may never find him but I know he his there. Ahh fuck, help me drag in that caldron....
Chris/Christopher - ahhhh sweets, pass me a plane ticket and I am totally there!!! I need a change of scenery and some new sights in my scope and hell, I could stand to get laid .....
Tenacious s- oooohhh, I have flashed these tits for less, lemme check that out.....
sorry Tom, the brit boys belong to me!!! I keep them in a pretty cage, dress them in cute little costumes and keep em drunk, oversexed and drugged.....
ahhhh it is good to ME!!!!!
Keep shopping, keep shopping. He'll come round, for sure. But, none of them are perfect...as you know. But, wishing helps, putting it out there helps--that's what "they" say, anyway. Hope you find it SOON!
Tom- yup..... the best kind baby the best kind... throw in a sprinkling of things to cum and I am good.....
Haley-O- my VISA is getting worn out with all this shopping.... Keep looking and stuffing all the returns in the closet, it's getting crowded in there but babes I got to have what I gots to have....
Hey! You weren't suppose to tell anyone about the crack cause after all, I was sharing it with you!
sherry- ooops, sorry cutes....
we could be rich if we did built a machine like that!! Or built up a machine that could tell us if the guy is intersted and could be a good match for us
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