Boys are Bullshit!We all get the old heave, ho every now and then, but I hate sugar coated break ups. The worst line ever- I think you are amazing, but this is not gonna work out... If I am sooo amazing, why the fuck am I getting dumped?? Tell the truth- you're already fucking someone else??? You want to fuck someone else? You have grown tired of me and my nonstop talking? My jealous rages are no longer cute? My mansion in Beverly Hills is no longer stylish enough for you? You have finally decided to come out of the closet? You are fucking my mother? You have a livestock fetish? You got a nasty case of herpes at the swingers club? You secretly want to become a woman? You are joining a cult or becoming Morman?
Something, Anything..... I want to know that this break up is all about you and has nothing to do with me... Cuz I am great! I am cute, and funny, and creative, I suck a mean cock and I like to fuck like everyday.... So I can't be me, I am doing everything right! I laugh at your jokes, I support your dreams and goals, I wear the cute lingerie and always fiend total interest in what you have to say. I don't come on too strong, I stay aloof and unattached yet am available when ever you need me. I slip you dirty pictures and pack a filling yet creative lunch. I have dinner waiting for you as you walk through the door. I keep myself pretty and shaved and stay fit at the gym, I wash my face and use deodorant.
I totally do it all..... C'mon just put it out there and tell me something new- I always get the old, "you are great but this is just not working? It makes me feel like crap, like somehow no matter how hard I try I will never be enough....
It is all total bullshit, whether it be a relationship, a love affair, a marriage or a crush you never get over... Somehow we women try too hard, and it hurts all the more when it doesn't pan out...
Next boy who fucks me over is gonna get it... I will push him off a ledge, and laugh crazily as he plummets 50 feet down to a sharp jagged demise... As he lays there pierced and bleeding by a million spikes and has crushed his every bone and ruptured his every organ, I think I might feel better....
28 comments:
omg. I love you so hard right now. you are the perfect dame. a diva who should be worshipped. the right mens will have a sack of equal proportion!!!
Shroomie...you are wicked, talented, gorgeous and intelligent. Any guy (or girl for that matter!) would be lucky to have a woman with such spirit and zest for life. Any boy who doesn't see that or appreciate you is a total loser. He deserves an electric jolt to the 'nads and needs to do some serious growing up.
It isn't you. It really is THEM. They aren't men enough to handle a smart, independant, sassy chick. You deserve someone waaay better.
Fuck the guys who are stupid dickhead assholes. If you ever need help pushing one over the ledge...we girls may be catty to eachother, but we stand together when need be!
It's not me, it's the livestock. They've been talking to me. Spearmint gum?
But would you suck a nice cock?
Temper, my dear, temper. Am I going to read about you in the paper some day?
You must learn from your friend me because I am the bad relationship Yoda. Teflon coated heart, baby...get one.
I've been in & out of more marriages and girlfriends than you can shake a mean sucked cock at.
You know the one constant?
Mob.
I love that guy. He's helped me move more than any white boy should.
Friends rule - relationships suck.
Most of the time...
I think I just came.
Hear Hear! You're so fucking right. That's what I got to hear as well.
May I quote something, just for my reinforcement?
Me: "You showed me that you liked me - more than liked. I could feel it! What was your motivation then if you can't love me?"
He: "I tried to explain. The motivation was you! I really think you're great, honestly. Next motivation was I would have wanted a relationship with a person that matches me. I really wished for it to last. "
Ha, honestly Mrs. L. Don't let yourself down for that. Do it like me: I push up my self esteem by taking photos. Me and me and me and me. Other people get their brains fucked out to push up the ego - but that's not my style.
You know you're great. Your list approves it!
And: If I were a girl - I would marry you :-)
Don't worry you're my dream girl. Nothing better than a bit of feistiness. Your major problem is living on the wrong side of the pond.
christopher, is that you? holy crap... nice scarf ...
shroomy, the key is to play it cool, baby - for every 4 voice mails my squeeze leaves me, i return only one ... it keep him all neurotic up and insecure, wondering if i'm going to dump him, lol.
plenty o' fish in the sea.
stay cool, babe
You deserve much better, Shroomie.
I say we tar, feather and Filet 'em... Fuckers.
Sensitive, hot, with a touch of crazy...I like it.
I have never been broken up with, so I think I should be thrown from a cliff. Sad, but true.
I feel like a slave owner who just walked into a jazz club.
Katie- gee thanks- yeah you heard the lady, bow down bitches!
Angela- Thanks chica, I appreciate it. Yeah, I think now that I have warned em, I don't think anyone is volunteeringly getting in a car with me, especially anywhere near a cliff or a ledge! So I may need your help in the future gassing them and stuffing them in the trunk. I will give you a call girl....
Dale- a man near Seattle recently bit the big one after recieving some anal action from a horse... No amount of speriment gum will fix that one. Becareful in your ventured Dale, I would miss ya...
Skincarver- would I suck a "nice cock' mmmmm, ohh yeah..... You have been my little angel in a devil's outfit lately- keeping my spirits up... thanks my friend...
Creepy-mmmm, I know you did baby....
Bubbly Theater- ohhh we would make a fab lesi couple.... you and I have the mucho grande in common when it comes to relationships. I wuvva wuvva you fer sure...
Christopher- ahhhh, you are my dream babe too. A little hop skip and a jump never killed anyone, get your cute little boots on a plane!!!!
Reese- ahhhaa there lies the key- keep em wanting more eh??? I gots some games, lemme tell ya....
Tumuli- yes, yes I do..... thanks...
loudmouthbitch- you are my kind of woman!!! that'll teach em for sure!!! and then spray em with a million skunks for that extra touch!!
slaygirl-who you calling crazy???
me? ohhh cool- only in my little head babe, only in my head....
blonde vigilante- me, rolling my eyes in disbelief and annoyance. Shut the fuck up, you are going over the cliff too!!! I hope you get the ol Ming the Merciless- big spear through the chest!
Peter Matthes- lost and confused on that one.... did you bring Ed Meachum with you or something???
Ouch. Lock me in please.
"I feel like a slave owner who just walked into a jazz club." Poetry, pure poetry. LOL
Ooh, I'm late to this party.
It's totally their loss cause you're awesome Shrooms, and you know it.
Who ever said this sh-- to you is a total loser. You're da bomb. They just can handle it. Next!!! ;)
Were we best friends in '89?
what you need to do is push all that rage into a sun hot ball as dense as
iridium and as black as the night. Then the next time your stuck in traffic unleash it, Falling Down styles.
woo for comments.
woooooooo
Dale- don't worry babes, I will keep you safe
Sherry- Hell yeah, I rock!!! I am a awesome girlfriend- these guys just don't know how good they have it with me....
Haley-O- thanks baby cakes...
SuzyQ- it is possible.... but highly unlikely...
String- that sounds like a great plan, that would kick ass in fact... Glad you finally figured out the comments babe- it has been a shit of time with those things....
Shroomers,
Have you given up blogging, or something? What is up?
its been 6 days since you wrote this entry and all i can say is hahahaha @ turning morman being on the list of faults he might just have. haha!
ps... its natural shit. and men wonder why we are always trying to kill them.
reese- naaahhhh, I am just lazy.....
yasamin- turning Morman or Jehovah Witness would be a good excuse wouldn't it???
yes... yes it would.
gulp.
yasamin- yeah and an excuse I can live with- cuz I have no intentions of dealing with all that witchcraft, polygamy, and Micheal Jackson worship
RRamone- bless you
Girls suck better.
Post a Comment